Pondering

This past Sunday was such a wonderfully spiritual day for me. I was so very blessed with insights into how to better my own life and that of our little family. It is so amazing how the Lord will bless us when we just simply get out of bed and get ourselves to church. I woke up thinking there was no way I was going to go to church. Landin was at drill, Peytin had not been sleeping well off and on for a couple weeks and he was having a tantrum just before we left. As soon as we walked in the building, Peytin settled down and he slept through the whole church block! I know it was a combination blessing from me just simply going to church and the prayers of many but probably more specifically my oldest sister who had been the recipient of my tearful phone call a day or two before.

Then the main speakers talked about the temple. Sister Walton talked about making your best effort to attend and how her best effort during her terribly challenging pregnancy was sometimes just talking about the temple with her husband or sitting in the temple parking lot and pondering while laying down in her car to avoid throwing up. She said she didn't want anyone to feel guilty during her talk but rather think about how they can give their best effort to attend the temple which is different for everyone. I had been feeling guilty that Landin and I hadn't gone to the temple at all since we were sealed at the end of February. It always seems like something comes up with our busy lives but I felt impressed that we just have to pick a day of the month and put it on the calendar as a reoccurring event so we already have it set in our minds that we are going that day. I know everyone could use extra blessing but I feel like we are especially in need as we start our journey as parents and not only parents but parents with a child with special needs. I sometimes find myself at a loss as to what to do and how to cope with certain things. I am really good at putting on a happy face and disguising my fears, heartaches and worries but I know the Lord knows and I can use the atonement to take those things away but I have to do my part which includes temple attendance. I look forward to the blessings our family will attain as we make the temple a priority.

In Relief Society, the lesson was about pride. I had also thought of pride as arrogance or unwillingness to admit error but this lesson gave me new insight. Pride can also be present in ones shyness. If we make an excuse that we couldn't go visit someone or fulfill a calling because we are too shy that is also pride. We are in a sense putting ourselves above the Lord and not allowing him to use us to do His work. I think that has been my form of pride in the last few years. I have felt alone and without friends in our wards since being married but now realize it is pride. I made myself feel justified by saying oh that person doesn't like me or I shouldn't have to introduce myself to that person because....(insert any number of excuses). I am not saying it will be easy to overcome these feeling but I now admit it is my own pride that has caused me to be in this situation. Now comes the cure, SERVICE. We cannot think of ourselves when we are serving someone else. My new goal is to serve someone else anytime I feel sorry for myself, depressed or overwhelmed. I am certain the Lord was sending me strong messages this week as to how I can change and be happier. I now just have to act on those things and see what happens. I am so excited!

Earlier in the week my visiting teachers came over and shared a talk from conference about the Atonement. They then asked me how I gained new insight of the Atonement with Peytin's situation. My answer wasn't very good at the time but I have pondered it since. I really came to understand how the Atonement has the ability to completely take away pain. Peytin had to undergo back surgery and so many different tests that I am certain hurt him but very seldom did he cry. He didn't even need pain medication after his surgery. I know that it is because of the Savior and His atonement. Peytin came to the earth with such faith to be healed that He didn't have to feel those pains. I also know that the Atonement helped Landin and I get through those very difficult first few days and will continue to help us. It covers not only physical pain but all the hurt we feel emotionally. I know that I am unaware of just how Landin felt throughout the whole experience and likewise he doesn't know everything I felt but the Lord does and helped us each individually cast our burdens on Him to make it through. The gospel is true and I know out Heavenly Father loves us each individually. We each have our own trials that He designs to fit our needs and gives us the ability to overcome. How blessed I am to know these things and be a member of His church. There is no way I could have made it through the trials with Peytin and many other things I have experienced in my life without Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and my knowledge of the gospel.